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Tips for Fathers of Twin Babies
Adapted from
Emotionally Healthy Twins
by Joan A. Friedman, Ph.D. |
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Be as involved as much as possible from the beginning of your babies’ lives. This will help you establish your role as a father, ease mom’s desperation, and most importantly help to form a unique relationship with each baby from day one. Babyhood is a wonderful time to begin to know each child as a single being, apart from his twin and mom. Help mom spend alone time with each baby by spending your own alone time with the other child. This way you’ll both feel uniquely connected to each child. You might want to establish a routine whereby you take turns taking walks, doing errands, or just hanging out with one baby at a time. Consider finding outside help. Let mom know that you are supportive of her getting the outside help she may need. New moms tend to be hard on themselves and may view the need for help as a measure of her own inadequacy. Help her understand that this is definitely not the case. Make time to be together with mom—just the two of you. With all that you’re both going through, you need experiences that help you reconnect and enjoy each other’s company away from your babies. Think about reconnecting primarily with physical affection rather than sexual contact in the initial period after the babies’ births. With patience and empathy, it will undoubtedly lead to greater intimacy. Make sure to listen. When mom reveals how distraught she is by all that is expected of her as a new mother of twins, don’t feel you need to come up with specific solutions. She will appreciate just being listened to. Your empathic approach will be vital to developing a healthy relationship with your children as well. Understand that the greatest gift you can give is your time, patience, love, and affirmation.
Joan A. Friedman, Ph.D. is an
identical twin who has over thirty years of experience as a
psychotherapist specializing in the treatment of twin-related
issues. The mother of five children, including twin boys, she
lives in the Los Angeles area with her husband. Published with permission from Da Capo Press / Lifelong Books. |
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